


Crazier Things

by Batfink



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Boys Kissing, Clint Barton's Farm, Clint has no Wife, Dog Cops, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Goats, IronHawk - Freeform, M/M, Painting, Play Fighting, Slow Build, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Tony can fix it, Tony has to know, showering, sunscreen is important kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 19:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19069207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batfink/pseuds/Batfink
Summary: What did he even do on that farm all day?  Was he actually a farmer, Tony wondered.  With a hat and a horse and why did it bother Tony so much?  Why did he spend all his time wondering if Clint grew crops, or if he had animals, or if he had a farmer's tan?  He had to know.





	Crazier Things

Tony couldn't remember the last time he felt like his feet were on solid ground. His life now seemed to be made up of lurching from one crisis to the next. Never knowing if today would be the day he took his last breath.

You'd think being part of a team would help. Other people to share with. Other people going through the same events, maybe with the same fears, but no. He got no help from the rest of the team. They all had other concerns.

Steve was off chasing Bucky, Thor was back in Asgard. Bruce had the kind of problems that made Tony's feel insignificant, Nat was never around and Clint, well Clint had just up and retired. Just like that. Just threw in the towel one day and disappeared off, to a farm of all places.

Tony didn't understand how he could do that. How he could just one day decide, hey, you know what? I'm done saving the world. Let someone else take a turn.

What did he even do on that farm all day? Was he actually a farmer, Tony wondered. With a hat and a horse and why did it bother Tony so much? Why did he spend all his time wondering if Clint grew crops, or if he had animals, or if he had a farmer's tan? He had to know. So, he had Jarvis put through a call to Coulson.

“Hello to you too, Agent.” Tony laughed when Coulson asked why he was calling instead of saying hello on answering. “I want to go visit Barton. Where is he?”

He could just tell Coulson was rolling his eyes. “There's no way I am telling you where Clint lives.” He paused. “However, I know you won't stop calling so, I tell you what I'll do instead. I will tell Clint you want to visit and let him decide if he wants to get in touch.”

“Oh fine, fine.” Tony huffed. “Tell him it has nothing to do with the Avengers. I just want to know if he has a tractor?”

Coulson laughed. “He has a tractor.” He hung up before Tony could demand more details. Had Phil been to the farm? Did he know what Clint did all day?

\--- 

It was two days before Clint contacted him. At six in the morning, no less. Farmers. Tony huffed hauling himself out of bed.

Clint had sent a text with a set of co-ordinates and a brief message. 'I have a tractor, it doesn't go'.

Tony smiled. 'Well, that I can fix', he replied before heading for a shower asking Jarvis to plot the co-ordinates for him while he did so.

Once showered and dressed, he packed a bag and headed for his garage. He looked at the Audi. It didn't look like farm stock, but it was going to be a long drive to the blinking red dot in the middle of nowhere Clint was sending him to and the Audi was the most comfortable of his rides. He debated taking a suit instead. It would be quicker, although he wouldn't be able to take luggage and he had told Coulson that the visit wasn't Avengers related. He didn't want Clint to worry he had lied.

Tony knew he had made the right decision when he stopped for snacks somewhere around the halfway mark. It was sweltering hot outside so he grabbed an iced coffee and slid back into the cool cocoon of the car.

The closer he got, the higher the outside temperature gauge of the car crept and the worse the road conditions became. At least the Audi has 4x4 he thought, but still he sent a silent prayer to the car gods that the underside and the paintwork wouldn't be too badly banged up by the gravel being churned up beneath his wheels.

Finally, as the sun began to set, a farmstead appeared on the horizon. Nothing else in sight in any direction. No place name on the map to tell him where he was. Just the blinking red dot, edging ever closer to tell him this, was Clint's place.

As he got closer, he noticed fields of crops, but no animals. A decent sized farmhouse shimmered white in the fading daylight, lights shining from the downstairs windows, so at least Clint appeared to be home.

Parking the car, Tony grabbed his bag and headed over to the door. It didn't take long for a tanned and smiling Clint to answer his knock. He peered over Tony's shoulder at the Audi, then looked at his watch. “At any point did you drive below the speed limit?”

Tony smiled back. “Maybe once.”

“When you stopped for coffee?” Clint chuckled and Tony had the decency to look sheepish. “Why the rush to come visit?”

Tony didn't have an answer for that. “You gonna invite me in or what?”

“Nah, thought I'd make you sleep in the yard with the goats.” Clint laughed.

“I didn't see any goats.” Tony replied looking around and behind himself.

“Well, they're around here somewhere.” Clint stepped aside and held the door open for Tony to pass him.

Once inside, Tony looked around. The downstairs was mainly open plan. Tidy and homely looking. A mix of old and new furniture with a scruffy mutt sprawled out on the sofa. Tony dropped his bag and reached out a hand to scritch at the dog's exposed belly.

“Say hello, Lucky.” Clint told the dog. Lucky lifted his head and gave a soft woof in Tony's direction. Tony chuckled.

Clint wandered into the kitchen area and after a moment or two, returned with two beers, chilled from the fridge. The house didn't appear to have air-con so Tony was relieved to grip the cool glass. He pressed it to his forehead with a sigh.

True, he had been to hotter places, but he'd never been a fan. At least he was wearing a tank top and jeans instead of a shirt and suit he thought to himself, but he wished he had a pair of cut offs like Clint. If he was going to be staying for a while, he might just have to ask Clint for a pair of scissors.

Clint rounded the sofa and slouched into an arm chair. “There's pizza in the oven. Should be ready in twenty.”

Tony nodded and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from Lucky, but continued with the belly rubs.

They ate pizza and drank more beer while watching Dog Cops. Tony had never seen it before, but found himself instantly hooked.

When it finished, Clint showed Tony to the guest bedroom. “Bathroom's down the hall. My room is opposite. If you need anything just holler.”

The guest bedroom was sparsely decorated but the blankets were soft and now that it was dark out there was a cool breeze coming in the open window. Tony fell asleep to the sound of crickets and the occasional hoot of an owl. It was soothing and he slept soundly.

He was however rudely awakened at the ass crack of dawn by Lucky barking, goats bleating and Clint yelling at them all to keep it down followed shortly after by the rattling clunk of the water pipes as Clint turned on the shower.

Tony sighed and wondered if there would be any hot water left for him when Clint was done. He dragged himself out of bed and padded down the stairs in his PJs. Clint must have been up since before the barking started as there was a pot of fresh coffee all ready and waiting. Tony found a mug, poured himself some coffee and wandered over to the open back door. He pushed open the screen door and stepped out into the cool morning air. Glancing at his watch, he groaned. Ten past six. This was going to be a habit with Clint he figured.

Lucky was busy chasing his tail in the yard and there were goats climbing and bouncing about too. They were small and fuzzy. Pygmy goats Tony guessed.

The screen door banged a few minutes later and Clint appeared running his fingers though blonde hair, still damp from the shower.

“You leave any hot water for me?” Tony asked.

“There should be enough if you wait until after breakfast. It clunks a bit, but it heats water pretty quick.” Clint replied.

Tony eyed a group of chickens that had appeared in the yard as Clint trotted down the steps and across the yard to a coop. He returned soon after a clutch of eggs carried in the folded up bottom of his t-shirt. Tony caught a glimpse of Clint's tanned stomach. Well, not a farmer tan then he thought to himself.

After breakfast and Tony's shower, Tony asked Clint about his broken tractor.

“Come see for yourself.” Clint led Tony out to a small barn beside the house.

Tony looked over the tractor. “Is this electric?” He asked.

Clint nodded. “This farm is designed to be self sufficient. There's solar panels in the field back behind the big barn and a generator in the barn.”

Tony smiled. “I like it.”

“Can you fix it though?” Clint asked.

Tony looked offended. “Be gone, philistine.” He waved a hand in a shooing motion.

Clint held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, I'll go.” He laughed.

Despite being in the middle of nowhere, Clint's farm had a suspiciously good Wi-Fi signal so Tony was able to have Jarvis fabricate the parts needed to repair the tractor and have them flown out by one of his drones.

Tony hadn't seen Clint since he shooed him out of the barn, but he had heard him occasionally yelling at Lucky for digging in the yard, or at the goats for doing, who knew what. He'd also heard a quad bike going back and forth a couple of times.

There had been no sign of a cowboy hat, or a horse. In fact, Clint's sun-bleached bright blonde hair implied he never wore a hat. He clearly did wear sunscreen though because although he was tanned, he didn't look like battered old leather.

By late afternoon, Tony had the tractor running and he drove it out into the yard. Clint came out of the other barn and grinned up at him. “Great work.”

Tony beamed down at him. “It was nothing.”

“Maybe not to you.” Clint shrugged. “But you just saved me a whole heap of hassle come harvest time.”

Over dinner, during a Dog Cops commercial break Tony just had to ask. “What's with the goats?”

Clint shrugged. “They seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, they're small and kinda cute. I didn't realise they would be so noisy or destructive though.”

Tony laughed. “Well, yeah, they are cute and at least you don't need an alarm clock with them around.”

“Tell me about it.” Clint groaned.

“So, got anything else needing fixed?” Tony asked when Dog Cops was finished.

“Nope.” Clint replied. “I'm not totally incompetent.”

“Never thought you were.” Tony frowned. “There must be something around here I could do though?”

Clint thought for a moment. “Well, I have been putting off painting the house. I guess you could help me with that.”

Tony grinned. “Great. Do you have the paint?”

Clint nodded. “It's out in the tractor barn.”

“How long has it been out there?” Tony chuckled.

Clint scowled at him. “Quiet you.”

\--- 

The following morning, Tony decided that if he was going to be spending all day outdoors, drastic measures were going to be required, so when he heard Clint moving around in his bedroom after his shower, he grabbed his jeans and trotted across the hall.

“Hey, Clint?” He knocked on Clint's bedroom door.

“Yeah?” Clint asked, opening the door, a bottle of sunscreen in his hand and Tony momentarily forgot why he was there. Instead marvelled at the fact that Clint's tan, covered every inch of him. Or at least every inch of him that wasn't covered by his purple boxers. Tony couldn't be sure about those inches. Eventually though, he managed to blurt out. “Scissors?”

“Oh, sure.” Clint turned back into his room and Tony admired the view. “Dammit.” He muttered to himself as his eyes locked onto Clint's firm ass.

Clint returned a moment later and held out to him, a pair of nail scissors. “Uh, no.” Tony held up his jeans. “For these.”

“Huh?” Clint asked.

“I want to turn these...” Tony waved his jeans. “Into those.” He pointed to Clint's cut off shorts that were lying on the bed.

Clint eyed the jeans. “How much did those cost?”

Tony shrugged. “Bout five hundred bucks. Why?”

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Clint exclaimed before turning away again and stomping over to the chest of drawers on the far side of the room. He crouched down, hauled open the bottom drawer and rummaged about for a moment before grabbing up a handful of denim and returning to Tony. “Here.” He thrust a pair of cut off jeans at Tony. “These cost twenty five bucks.”

Tony stifled a laugh and took the shorts from Clint. “Well, if you insist.” He turned to leave the room. When he was half way across the hallway, Clint called out to him.

“Catch.” Tony turned just in time to catch the bottle of sunscreen that Clint had tossed in his direction.

“Thanks.” He smiled and headed back to the guest room.

Clint was already outside painting by the time Tony was showered and dressed. He looked up when the screen door banged and wolf whistled. “Nice calves, Tony. Is this the first time they've seen daylight?”

Tony flipped him off. “Some of us have to work indoors you know. Can't all be working on our tans all the time.”

Clint laughed. “My tan is the result of hard labour done outdoors. It's not like I've been sunbathing.”

“Oh really?” Tony continued. “You do a lot of work around here without your shirt on?”

Clint winked at him. “Guess you'll just have to wait and see.”

By lunch time they had most of the front of the house painted. Tony was up a ladder finishing off a window ledge so Clint went inside to start lunch. Tony was still up the ladder when Clint came back out and called to him that lunch was ready.

Tony looked down. Clint had removed his tank top. Tony did a double take and promptly lost his balance, toppling off the ladder and taking out Clint who had rushed over to help him. They both ended up on the ground, although Tony was mainly on top of Clint, his face smooshed into Clint's bare left pec.

“You okay?” Clint asked slightly breathless.

Tony considered for a moment, pushing himself upwards slightly, still leaning over Clint. “Yeah, I'm okay. You broke my fall. Are you okay?”

Clint removed his hand from the paint tray it had landed in and shrugged. “No broken bones.” He placed his paint covered hand on Tony's face and pushed him away with a laugh, sitting up.

“Gee. Thanks.” Tony pulled up the bottom of his tank top to try and wipe the paint off his face while he was still knelt in front of Clint. He heard movement and then something cold and wet slapped against his stomach. He opened his eyes, still holding onto his tank top to find Clint had left a painted hand-print against his skin. Clint was scrambling to his feet intent on legging it before Tony could retaliate but as he turned, Tony yelled out. “Stop!”

Clint paused and looked back, suspicious.

“You're bleeding.” Tony pointed to Clint's shoulder. Clint reached back behind himself and ran his fingers over his shoulder. They came away bloody. He looked back to the spot where he had landed and noticed a chunk of gravel.

Tony was on his feet now. Painty revenge forgotten. “Come on, let's get you cleaned up,” He nudged Clint towards the door and followed him inside.

“It's not too bad.” Tony informed Clint once he had cleaned the wound. He dug about in the First Aid kit Clint had handed him until he found an appropriately sized waterproof band-aid which he applied gently. Once it was in place he quickly leaned down and pressed a swift kiss to it before patting Clint on the other shoulder. “All better.”

Clint chuckled. “Thanks Tony.” He stood and turned to face him. Reaching out with his non-paint covered hand, he rubbed his thumb across Tony's cheek gently. “You missed a bit.”

Tony froze. Heartbeat pounding in his ears. His lips slightly parted. Brain scrambling for something to say.

There was a rattle and a thump followed by an indignant woof from the vicinity of the back door and the moment was lost as Clint frowned and turned away to let Lucky in. Moments later as he fussed about re-filling Lucky's water bowl he called Tony to come and get the sandwich he had made earlier that had been forgotten in all the excitement.

Lunches eaten they returned to the painting, this time on the back of the house, Clint jokingly refusing to let Tony go back up the ladder.

As the temperature rose, Tony peeled off his tank top and Clint smirked at him. “You'll have a tan too at this rate. I hope you put sunscreen on those nipples.”

Tony stared at him. “Huh.” He replied at last. “I didn't. You wanna help me out with that?”

Quick as a flash, Clint reached out with his paintbrush and dabbed paint onto each of Tony's nipples being careful to avoid the arc-reactor.

Tony gaped at him. “Oh, it's on!” He flicked his paintbrush and laughed as Clint was streaked with paint, right across his chest.

Clint gasped affronted and dipped his paintbrush directly into the tin. Tony yelped turning to bolt away as cackling, Clint started after him.

Tony spared a glance back over his shoulder. Clint was gaining on him. He changed course, doubling back and heading for the house, but Clint caught him before he made the screen door. Tony turned and grabbed for Clint's wrists, keeping the hand with the paintbrush as far away as possible. Clint pushed against him, trying to twist the paintbrush towards his face. They were both laughing.

Suddenly, Clint changed tactic and started advancing on Tony, forcing him backwards until he was backed against the house. “Dammit!” Tony exclaimed as his bare skin made contact with the wet paint on the wall. “Cheat.”

Clint stepped back when Tony released his wrists, doubled over laughing as Tony tried to catch sight of his back in the kitchen window reflection. Tony pouted in mock annoyance and headed back to the screen door. Suddenly, he turned and grinned at Clint as he hauled open the door. “I'm first in the shower.” He darted into the kitchen.

“Oh no you don't.” Clint yelled after him, throwing down his paintbrush and charging after Tony who was headed for the stairs.

Clint grabbed Tony by the ankle as he was almost to the top. He twisted as he fell and Clint pulled him back down so that he ended up on his back beneath Clint who was staring intently at him.

“Is this for earlier?” Tony panted.

Clint smiled. “No, but this is.” He leaned down and briefly pressed his lips to Tony's. “You've been eyeballing me all day.”

Tony snorted. “I've been eyeballing you since I got here.” He pushed himself up on his elbows so that their lips could briefly meet again. “Still not allowing you in the shower first though.”

Clint chuckled. “Fine then. We can share.”

\--- 

Clint huffed as he scrubbed at the paint on Tony's back. “If I'd known I was going to be the one cleaning this off, I might have reconsidered.”

Suddenly, Tony turned to face him. “If I'm going to be staying. This place has got to get air-con.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “The solar panels can't generate enough power to run air-con.”

Tony tapped at his arc-reactor. “I can fix that.”

“What makes you think we would work?” Clint raised an eyebrow.

Tony leaned in and pressed a kiss to his nose. “I've made crazier things work.”


End file.
